Let me tell you how I feel
by Jens the Homo
Summary: Calling your crush while drunk might sometimes actually help.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** This is a kind of a song fic… or maybe not, it's just inspired by one. The song's name is Mitä kuuluu Marja-Leena and it's by a very cool Finnish band called Leevi and the Leavings. The song's in Finnish unfortunately, but there are probably English translations of the lyrics available in case you want to know what it's about.

* * *

Aomine still knows the number by heart. It never fails to astonish him that Kise hasn't changed his number after ten years, but it's not like he's complaining. Quite the opposite, actually, since it means he has means of getting in touch with the blonde.

Most of the time Aomine doesn't want to get in touch with Kise, though. It's not like he would have much to say. But there are still things he regrets never having told to the blonde during their Teikou days. He could've done it when they were in high school; even if they weren't in the same school, they still saw each other. But Aomine was a coward in high school.

Tonight, however, he has confidence. It's been a long time since he's last contacted Kise, but in the afternoon, he came across a picture of Kise, cut off from some magazine the blonde had been in during his modeling days. Staring at the picture, all memories and feelings came flooding back to Aomine and he needed a drink. Or two. Or maybe three would do the trick. A fourth or fifth couldn't hurt either…

And so by midnight he's totally wasted. His fingers are gliding over his phone, pressing buttons, dialing the idiot's number. It takes him about an hour and two and a half cans of beer to be able to press 'call'.

"…hello? Who is this?" Kise's voice is sleepy and a little annoyed.

Aomine feels an irrational wave of anger upon hearing the other man's words. Kise doesn't have his number in his phone, otherwise he'd know it's Aomine. Then he remembers he doesn't have Kise's number in his phone's memory either (he doesn't need it since he knows it by heart) and calms down a bit.

"It's Aomine."

"Ehh? Aominecchi? Why do you have my number?"

"You've had the same number since middle school, idiot. Anyways…" Aomine needs to have a little break to stop his words from getting slurred. "Hey, do you still like that stupid band? What was the name again? The one you always spoke of when we were in Teikou… remember?"

"…why are you asking me that, Aominecchi?"

"I still remember lots of things about you, Kise. The bands you like, your favourite foods, which books you love, all kinds of things."

"I still don't get why you had to call me in the middle of the night-"

"Oh, and I still remember every time you had a girlfriend." Aomine interrupts Kise with malice in his voice. His jealousy is irrational, he knows that even if he's drunk, but he can't help it. He always felt like dying when Kise had a girlfriend.

"…nee, are you drunk? You're slurring."

"Never mind that! You wanna know why I called you in the middle of the night, right? Well here's why: I just wanted to let you know that I loved you in middle school and in high school and every day after that! I mean - what I'm trying to say here is that I still love you!"

Silence. Aomine starts to panic.

"Kise, please, I love you so much… I wish we could see each other more often… I still love you. Just please, I'm not saying this just because I'm drunk. I really do love you."

Click.

Aomine stares at his wall with empty eyes as he listens to the dial tone.

* * *

When Aomine wakes up the next day, he feels like crap. Not only because he has what feels like the mother of all hangovers, but also because he still remembers the phone call with Kise.

Way more vividly than he would like to.

Especially clear is the memory of the dial tone beeping loud in his ear as he mutters incoherent love confessions to the dead line and sobs.

What a royal fuck up of a confession.

Aomine spends half of the day in the bathroom, first throwing up and then just sitting on the cold floor, trying to gather strength to start getting over his ten-year crush on Kise.

At around 5 pm Aomine's phone beeps. He gets up sluggishly and walks to the bedroom to retrieve his phone.

New message. Huh. No one ever sends him messages; if they want to get in touch, they call.

He opens the message with no real interest. When he reads it, however, his eyes go impossibly wide and his jaw falls down in surprise.

_I was really surprised when Aominecchi called me last night, but I'm also really glad you did. _

_Back in Teikou, Momoicchi always hinted at you being not being interested in only girls, but I never believed her. During middle school, it didn't really matter to me._

_When I first saw you after going to different high schools, though, I started thinking that it'd be nice if you did like guys, too… or at least me. But you never seemed interested so I let it drop as well. And I haven't even thought about you that much ever since._

_If it really wasn't just the alcohol talking and you actually do love me, I think we should meet. It might not work out, but I'm single and I'm guessing you are too, so it wouldn't hurt to try._

_Haha, I feel kind of nervous writing this. _

_Kise_

Aomine can't believe his eyes. Kise, _his_ Kise, the one he's been hopelessly in love with for _ten bloody years, _actually might become his? Heck, if Aomine'd known that Kise might be interested, he would've done this earlier.

With shaky hands Aomine writes a response.

_Tell me when and where and I'll be there._

* * *

**A/N pt.2:** I don't know how to write drunken talking (at least not in English) for the life of me so I left it out entirely. Sorry! I might write a sequel of some kind for this fic, about these two starting a relationship and how that goes, but we shall see. I'll mark it as complete for now. Meanwhile, please let me know what you think of this! n(u_u)n


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** So the rating went up. Whoops. Really it's just to be safe.

**Warnings:** An almost sex scene (because I fail at life and especially at writing lemon).

* * *

Momoi laughs at Aomine when he tells her about the phone call with Kise.

"You do know that there are about a thousand better ways to confess, don't you, Dai-chan?"

"Oh shut up Satsuki. I know I could've done a better confession but I didn't and that's that!"

"Don't be mad! You know I've been rooting for you ever since I found out about your feelings for Ki-chan, so I'll be really happy if it works out. I'm just slightly surprised that you still harbour those feelings towards him – and wait, didn't you tell me once that you'd never tell him?"

"That was back in high school and I was too young to have enough courage to confess! We're adults now so I finally felt brave enough to tell him." Momoi chuckles warmly at Aomine's words.

"I really do hope it works out, Dai-chan."

"…yeah, me too."

* * *

Aomine discovers that it's surprisingly easy to talk to Kise, even if they haven't seen each other for years. The blonde's just as talkative and bubbly as ever and Aomine finds himself just listening to the other man's voice, not really even caring about what he's saying (something irrelevant about the flight he's just back from; it seems that Kise's become a pilot during the time they haven't kept in touch).

Kise's even more attractive than Aomine remembers. Or maybe he has gotten more attractive since they saw each other, Aomine can't say for sure. Be as it may, he's so happy it feels unreal.

"Kise, I love you."

The words just fall out of his mouth before his brain catches up. For a moment he sits in horror and fears that Kise will leave, completely forgetting that Kise's already heard him confess. Then a hesitant smile lights the blonde's face.

"You're sober this time, right?"

Aomine grunts. "Have you seen me drink something with alcohol in it?"

Kise laughs nervously. "No, but… maybe you drank something before we met up?"

"As if. Is it that hard for you to accept that I'm serious about liking you?"

Kise lowers his head so his hair falls on his face, effectively hiding it from Aomine's eyes. A somewhat awkward silence falls between the two men. Kise starts playing with his hair, wrapping a golden strand around a slender finger. Aomine can't help but stare.

_Shit, I think I could get hard just from watching him do that. It's way sexier than any porn…_

"Go out with me, then."

Kise raises his head, meeting Aomine's gaze again. The blonde has a faint blush on his cheeks, but his eyes are filled with determination. Aomine knows Kise isn't making fun of him and surely he has to be the luckiest man on earth just for being the one Kise Ryouta, ex-model and the sexiest person the world has ever seen, chooses as his lover. It might be just curiosity on Kise's part, but Aomine's willing to take any chance he can get, not caring whether it makes him desperate or not.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to hear you say something like that." Aomine curses himself to the lowest pit of Hell for saying something like that out loud. _What am I__, a __character__ from some cheesy soap opera__?_

Kise looks confused for a second but then he bursts into laughter.

Be damned if it isn't the prettiest sound Aomine has ever heard.

* * *

Being able to refer to Kise as his lover or boyfriend is enough to make Aomine feel ridiculously happy every day. He still can't quite wrap his mind around the fact that Kise's right there, within kissing distance most of the time, after so many years of not so much as an occasional text message or email.

Kise, on the other hand, seems to enjoy his time with Aomine. He turns out to be very fond of cuddling, kissing and just being close to each other. Which Aomine has nothing against, of course. The only thing that bothers him is that Kise doesn't seem to want anything more than just that perfectly innocent closeness.

They've been dating for almost a month and the furthest they've gone is a little touching. With clothes on. Their schedules are hard to fit together and thus Kise rarely spends the night – and even when he does, they don't sleep in the same bed. As sexually deprived as he is, Aomine has no choice but to rely on his hand, because the last thing he wants is to force Kise into doing something he's not ready for and drive him away.

Even so, Aomine's life is pretty much perfect. Sure it would be even better if he got to have sex with Kise, but Aomine'd rather not think about that. He's fine because Kise's right there next to him and isn't going to go anywhere. They have all the time in the world, so there's no need to rush to take their relationship to the next level.

But wait, what if there's never going to be a 'next level'? What if they'll always be lovers who just kiss and cuddle? Aomine can't ignore the possibility of Kise being one of those people who just don't want to have sex (though Aomine has no idea how someone could not want to have sex with someone they love). And if it indeed turns out that Kise'll never want to sleep with him…

Wow, talk about bittersweet. The only person Aomine truly wants to hold right there, so close yet so far, a feast for his eyes only.

Aomine feels really hurt by his own thoughts.

* * *

One day, it just happens. Aomine's over at Kise's place for a change and they're watching some stupid romantic drama that Kise's insisted on seeing. At first, Aomine tried to pretend to be interested in the movie, but for almost 20 minutes now the only thing he has really paid attention to is the fact that Kise's sitting really close to him.

Tentatively, Aomine reaches his arm that's resting on the back of the couch and wraps it around Kise. The blonde startles but doesn't push the arm away. Quite the opposite, actually; he snuggles a little closer to Aomine and leans his head against his shoulder.

Damn, Kise's neck is so temptingly close.

Aomine turns his eyes to the television. Some woman is crying and apologising for making a mistake and some other usual crap like that. The woman's not beautiful at all and Kise's shampoo has a distractingly sweet scent…

Aomine can't help himself. He pulls Kise to face him and kisses the blonde before he gets a chance to complain about being distracted.

The film is quickly forgotten as Kise kisses back very eagerly. For a while, all they do is simply press their lips together and enjoy each other's closeness. Then, Kise suddenly pushes Aomine back so that he can straddle him. Aomine is caught by surprise but when he opens his mouth to protest, Kise slips him tongue, effectively silencing him again.

_If I died tomorrow, I'd have no regrets,_ Aomine muses as he runs his fingers through Kise's soft hair. Kise leans even closer, his chest pressing against Aomine's and _oh god_ something hard's poking Aomine's stomach.

It would be so easy to just let it happen; Kise's clearly willing to go further than before, what with the way he's currently sliding his hand into Aomine's pants, maybe even all the way. But the responsible part of Aomine's brain tells him that would be wrong.

He doesn't want to have sex with Kise before he's sure that Kise loves him.

After all, sex without feelings is dull and empty. That's something Aomine has found out on many occasions during the last ten years. A teen ager's sex drive combined with an unrequited love is the worst thing Aomine has ever experienced – or maybe the countless times he accidentally called out Kise's name while having sex with someone else are – or maybe the whole ten-year one-sided love was –

One thing Aomine knows for sure is that if Kise were to have sex with him and then leave him because it doesn't satisfy him, he wouldn't be able to recover from it. Ever.

"Kise… stop." It's fucking difficult to ask Kise to stop when he's sitting on Aomine's hips, hand exploring the inside of his underwear now, and practically grinding against him.

He manages to get the words out nonetheless, grabbing Kise's wrist for emphasis, and Kise does stop. He shoots a puzzled look at Aomine. "Why? Don't you want to do this, Aominecchi?"

Oh god yes he does, more than anything.

"I do, but isn't it a bit weird for you? I mean a while ago you barely remembered I existed until I made that stupid drunken call and now, you're sitting in my lap, almost having sex with me? I'm just a little overwhelmed by this all." Aomine lets go of Kise's wrist to bury his face in his hands.

"I'm sorry, it's just that… I didn't ever really believe that you'd be mine… so now that you are, I don't have the faintest clue about what to do."

Silence. Aomine can still feel Kise's weight on his lap which makes him relieved; he's too scared to look at the other man to make sure he isn't going anywhere. After a moment of total stillness gentle fingers pry Aomine's hands off his face and he finds himself staring at a very serious Kise.

"I love you, Aominecchi. I might not have been in love with you for the last ten years but I do love you now… isn't that enough?"

For a few seconds Aomine's brain refuses to work and understand Kise's words. But when the realisation sinks in, Aomine blushes. Fiercely, at that.

Whoa.

It's an actual love confession from the only person he's ever wanted to hear such words from.

This might just be the thing that makes Aomine's life perfect. He almost feels like crying, that's how happy he is.

But crying isn't his style, so instead he opts to drown Kise with kisses on his lips, cheeks, forehead, neck, anywhere he can reach. Kise giggles and squirms under Aomine's touch, his slender fingers once more finding their way inside Aomine's pants and wrapping around his erection.

"So… you wanna do it?" Kise clearly needs to get a verbal consent from Aomine before going further so Aomine replies with a hoarse 'just do it already' which makes Kise smirk.

As unromantic as it is, Aomine first time with the only person he's ever loved happens on a couch.

* * *

**A/N pt.2:** I started writing another fic that contains eating disorder and self-harming and with the amount of angst in that one I just seriously needed to write something happier for a change. Fluff is an unknown territory for me though so this still has a hint of hurt/comfort in it…

Thanks for everyone who reviewed the first chapter! I'm really bad at replying to reviews (sorry TAT) but they really mean a lot to me.

I'm really sorry for not including lemon! D: I really want to write an actual sex scene for this fic at some point. The thing is I've never written lemon so it might turn out really crappy. But hey, I'll never learn if I don't even try, right?

Long author's note FTW, but there's one more thing. The ending kinda sounds like Kise's going to top Aomine. While I'm totally not opposed to KiseAo (in fact I quite like it), this story is supposed to be AoKise so if I ever write the lemon for this, it'll feature Aomine topping.

Reviews are welcome! :)


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